I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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