my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
