I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
