My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
