is your mom at the bar?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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