I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The air was thick with penises
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just pee around me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
