Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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