she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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