He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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