I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Randomize
