it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
