When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
