i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
