I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
