She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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