well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
