Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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