I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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