She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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