how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
