did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm really busy with my period
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