the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
