I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
