I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Im part way to drunk.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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