So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
