I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
