You made me cry and you don't even care
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
