I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
