You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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