Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
