Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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