where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
