So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
