I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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