How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
