I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
