come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
