New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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