did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Who did Billy Mays play for?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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