I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
