So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
