I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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