Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
