Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
