You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
