the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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