The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
