Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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