So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
