Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
