Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
