Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
