So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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