Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
