i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
