i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
