i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
