god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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