dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
